Friday, May 27, 2005
i can't get to sleep. it is 2 am and i need to sleep but i am procrastinating for i dunno what reason. its always like this i already know the feeling. don't wanna sleep because don't wanna wake up the next day and feel that... dunno what that... is, don't tell you.
i need to explode. or implode. there are many thoughts. to many. my brain cannot stop functioning. churning churning. all the possibilities ticking by like well oiled gears.
thought no. 1
are people ever truly happy?
thought no. 3
how do you trust someone?
thought no. 6
what does it mean to love and how do you know you're doing it right.
thought no. 7
ok so then i graduate in 2 years, then what. then what??
thought no. 13
wall paper wall paper wall paper. lighting man tomorrow. change position of light. bring some stuff over.
thought no. 19
what to pack for bali tomorrow? yes i'm flying to bali tomorrow. i need to pack
3 bikinis
2 dinner dresses
black/gold heels
toothpaste toothbrush
facial foam
shampoo conditioner
3 tops
2 bottoms
2 pjs
3 shorts
earrings/chains/hair stuff
nail clipper
flops
make up
thought no. 22
why don't you remember me anymore?! huh huh huh?!?!?! how can?!
thought no. 36
should i trust my instincts. can you feel my instincts?
thought no. 77
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
thought no. 82
all is sux. all is sux.
thought no. 22
damn. contacts drying. aircon needed. sleep.
thought no. 83
just yawned. my poor skin. shit need to shave legs. have to fix my nails.
thought no. 100
sleep.
Ali
1:46 AM
Alice breathes again..
|
issit? really ar...
i have decided to go bimbo. stupidity and blurness is a gift i swear.
from now on i donch know anything anymore.
donch try to assume that i will get it, i will not.
haha.
life is happy and good. relac...
la-di-da-da
today i sat in no. 14 listening to air and looking at the dark sky dotted with some stars.
and then i thought shit i am 21.
so today i declare:
i AM a bimbo. i AM a little girl. Really really, ask all my ex boyfriends they will tell you how silly and retarded i really am.
"do you get what i am trying to say?"
*scratch scratch*
*blink blink*
.
.
.
.
erm. doh.
can pass off or not??
Ali
12:59 AM
Alice breathes again..
|
Thursday, May 26, 2005
i am dying.
you said the truth will set me free..
why do i feel even more caged in?
the hole we once dug seems deeper and wider than before.
are we finally facing something real to deal with?
can we stand the trial.. or will we fall like we did before..
fall away from his glorious face, from his promptings in our soul.
for that is the whole issue of this life.
not you, not me, not anything.
just him.
my soul is weary. get lost all of you.
if you have nothing decent to offer.
just get lost.
i have been battered and bruised enough.
Ali
1:21 AM
Alice breathes again..
|
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
ok i know this is super late, but i LOVE starwars.
I love everything about it.
i especially love my little green friend Yoda. Sigh. I could marry him.
everytime i see my msn logo i think of him. msn has a little green man too.
the only thing i don't like about it is the cheesy love story, but i guess there's no escaping from it. it is to entertain the others amongst us.
and even as the battles reigned over the screen, many private battles were fought within the space of the beach road seats. some more complicated than others.
some made more complicated by others.
and still some by the self.
if honesty is the best policy, then why is witholding sometimes the best thing to do?
we all, at the end of the day, exist singularly. a lone ranger on this planet.
this shit is getting out of hand. i wish that all walls can be brokened one day and honesty will finally be not the best policy, but the obvious and only one.
it is even more strange when a stranger observes the distance and wonders if we were even friends. AARGH!
tell me about it.
you have become family in a matter of days. and we both know what that means.
yes, it ain't good buddy.
somebody just shoot me. or shoot you. either way.
we can't exist together.
Ali
1:16 AM
Alice breathes again..
|
Monday, May 23, 2005
and in an instant, man falls once more.
trails are neverending these days.
ok fine, have it your way.
i failed alright?
i will never place another before. ever.
.
.
.
.
.
you take over.
Ali
12:41 AM
Alice breathes again..
|
Thursday, May 19, 2005
there are mosquitoes trapped in my room.
my closet is no longer functionable. my clothes are in one big heap.
i figured i'll start packing when we move?
i gave myself a facial and foot spa tonight.
and i scrubbed and mosturised.
i will make a delicious wife. invest in me!!!!!
oh but i can't cook and i need to be served.
i also don't believe in standing once my behind has been positioned comfortably in a chair.
i also have a big big problem with fetching the remote to switch channels or turn up the volume
cleaning after the cat
practicing the piano
wiping the toilet and capping the toothpaste.
oh but i adore sweeping the floor and making things pretty.
wait is being a wife all about soft skin and house work?
erm... *thinks for a while*
ya.
more problems.
i have a ton of projects in my little busy head but no resources to carry them out.
please if you love me or owe me something in life, i want:
1. painting canvas
2. lots of oil paints
3. acrylic paints and furniture paints
also if you want to marry me and want to consider investing, i'd put your money on:
1. biotherm cellulite control cream (consult mei on this)
2. spa vouchers
3. constant calls to maintain my sanity
4. a car
ok la. i know it's not my birthday or anything. just trying my luck.
Ali
12:40 AM
Alice breathes again..
|
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Ali
12:53 AM
Alice breathes again..
|
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
I used to be lunatic from the gracious days
I used to be woebegone and so restless nights
My aching heart would bleed for you to see
Oh but now...i don't find myself bouncing home whistling buttonhole tunes to make me cry
No more "i love you's", the language is leaving me
No more "i love you's", changes are shifting outside the word
The lover speaks about the monsters
I used to have demons in my room at night
Desire, despair, desire, so many monsters
Oh but now... i don't find myself bouncing home whistling buttonhole tunes to make me cry
No more "i love you's", the language is leaving me
No more "i love you's", the language is leaving me in silence
No more "i love you's", changes are shifting outside the word
They were being really crazy, they were on the come
And you know what mammy? Everybody was being really crazy
The monsters are crazy
There are monsters outsides
Outside the word
~annie lennox~
Ali
12:30 AM
Alice breathes again..
|
Monday, May 16, 2005
Suddenly i find myself on the other side of the spectrum
The one without...
Ali
12:09 AM
Alice breathes again..
|
Sunday, May 15, 2005
ok so life is shit right now.
but prayer changes things - either the heart, or the situation.
This poetry grabbed me in a whole new way again:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
The courage to change the things i can
And the wisdom to know the difference
Look it over and realise its truth! Sigh.
*Currently reading The Devil and Miss Prym
and i really really love my friends. though i've always been such a bitch, you always gave me a chance and somehow managed to see who i really am. Despite how much i've hidden myself from you. coming out of my shell is liberating because the view is excellent.
out here, i see blue skies and palm trees and a never ending shoreline.
in there, there was always only cold, hard and perfectly arranged furniture. with rot and maggots spreading within.
thank you, for restoring one of the precious things a human can have: faith in my fellow man.
we are all relational - i am not going to try and deny that anymore.
Ali
12:25 AM
Alice breathes again..
|
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
what goes around comes around
what goes up must come down
do you believe in karma?
i believe in alicia... with or without the keys ;o
*****
Had a brilliant day today. Went furniture shopping with mummy and had a ball of a time.
I just love love love buying nice new furniture.
And i love love love having pretty houses and living in them. Did you know that bedsheets (just the sheets and two pillow cases) can cost $864 ??!
And quilt duevet covers alone cost $1164!
Hell. I didn't even know egypt produced cotton and silk.
*****
oh and this:
Kitten sitter required for the month of june.
Must adore cats and have a warm and loving household.
Responsible, compassionate and hygenic.
Incentives negotiable.
Ali
10:38 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
So yesterday was a full fledge foreign language day.
My eyes are tired from reading all that subtitles.
Summersturm, go catch it. It is quite an amazing show with brilliant actors and a great feel. We left the cinema with a surreal sad, mixed intrigue sensation.
Well, actually being in the cinema itself was already quite amusing, considering that besides another mixed couple, the rest of the audience was either men couples or single men. We were half afraid of catching someone "grabbing the chicken" and us having to whisper to him.. need a hand?
The sexual energy of the show was explicit enough, but yet i implore... leave the R21 films alone!!
*****
Madam Butterfly. wow. It took my breath away. Not that i understood a word of what they were saying, and the translation looked less than trustworthy. But it being my first ever life opera, i can see the beauty in this strange, seemingly constipated art.
The piercing voice itself or combined with the magnificent orchestra was enough to pull at my heart strings and make me feel for the anguished butterfly. And to some extent, i can identify with the sorry story line.
Cio-cio san (Madam Butterfly): "The Americans, they capture the butterflies and put pins in them to display on the wall..."
Benjamin Franklin Pinkerton: "But that is because they love the butterflies so much, they want to never let them go... i want to capture you too so that you will never leave me."
bullshit.
Ali
2:59 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Saturday, May 07, 2005
welcome to the loveliest day of the year
every single year
can you feel the love
Ali
1:36 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Friday, May 06, 2005
good morning sad world!!
ok so i just woke up from this bad dream i can almost classify as a nightmare..
it was some major chinese aural exam and what happens is that there are many tiny sound proof rooms, much like those little DJ recording booths, and i was queuing outside one of them with a girlfriend (can't remember who, but it was a significant female from either pri, sec or JC). And my JC chinese teacher was sitting outside looking terrifically bored.
my gf and i were like going mad with wondering what exactly was allowed in the damn exam. we had with us a tape recorder (to record the exam so that we can play back and ans in our own time.. go figure..), the answer booklet, and the chinese textbook. so there was alot of debating going on. finally my turn came when a malay boy from my sec sch came out (??!)
the room was pitch black and the aircon was freezing cold. i spent at least five minutes trying to find the switch for the desk lamp. when there finally was light, i nearly fainted. the entire desk was filled with exam scripts, report books, qn scripts, textbooks etc. it was a giant mess! i couldnt find the player to play the exam qn, i couldn't figure out how to get started! i almost panicked. it's only the fact that it was a chinese paper that caused me to calm down (cos i have low self-expectations for the subject, so less pressure)
when i finally located the qn paper, !, it was an english script! i had prepared for the wrong paper! still, i calmed myself down. it's just english, just be yourself and u will be fine!
so i started the player, cleared some space and started the paper.
to my horror, the entire paper was about a family of onions and their relationship with the garlic family (in real life, i can't distinguish the two.. eeps~) the family of onions started dancing off the exam script, faster and faster until i couldn't catch what was saying and process it in time to figure an answer out.
it was not working out, and time was running out, so i started a mad scrambling amidst the pile of documents on the desk until i came across, rejoice!, an answer script!! all the answers were (1), except the 3rd qn which was a (3). i quickly copied down all the answers and prepared to leave the dreaded the room. but not before i flipped the answer booklet from which i copied, close.
it was a malay exam booklet.
Ali
12:22 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Thursday, May 05, 2005
You don't know how long i have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long i have waited
And i was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone
Till now i always got by on my own
I never really cared until i met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do i get you alone
and this is my attempt at disclosure. haha.
Ali
8:59 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
i have discovered 2 rules for getting pissed drunk
1) wear high heels
2) wear a skirt
somehow, the combination helps u focus on keeping ur balance and protecting ur modesty.
just make sure u fight kick and scream violently if anyone tries to carry u.
and sorry for getting ur jeans.
for what this is worth, you have tight thighs i can attest to that.
so ur working out is working out.
this morning we swear we wanted to drag our asses out to wash ur car. promise...
i officially owe 3 people dinner.
sigh.
Ali
7:51 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
I started a joke, which started the whole world crying.
But I didn't see that the joke was on me.
Sometimes i wonder how people can be so darn honest in their blogs. Isn't it always disturbing to find out that your blog is being read by so and so and so? Sometimes i voyeur and i read the things people write about themselves. It is almost criminal.
For the world judges
For the world attacks
After all, everybody loves a good story!
i wonder why they do that. I have to be careful about letting my typing go wild these days with my head spinning constantly over... aargh... eeps.. blushhhh* Must keep reminding myself that i do have a private diary for me to explode in. Or i could just write in riddles again.
i really really wonder how they do it? shall i attempt a try?
.
.
.
ok i tried and failed miserably. i could never be such an open book.
Yes and those who presume to know me will tell me once more that i need to be more trusting of man and open up more. And i know my communication skills with regard to expressing emotion leave much to be desired. I am working on it okayyy. It's just that, i value the process of seeking counsel that is confined to the wise and the private. Wisdom in those you approach for advise is essential. Being so blatantly honest, or even attempting to mask honestly through sarcasm which ultimately reveals your weaknesses simply opens you up to criticism, and makes for birds who presume to carry the same feather to flock in your sad company. *Apologies for that ghastly long sentence. Take a moment to re-read it. And we all know how important it is to filter the crowd from which we absorb influences.
I've come to realise that the world consists of many 2-types of people. The broadest 2-type category which i feel essentially encompasses most other 2-type category is this.
Stupid People Vs. Wise People
And oh how simple is the distinction. If you are wondering which catergory you come under, i'd take a chance on the former. The same goes for anyone who...
does not truly value education
cannot actually, really study
is addicted to nicotine or some drug
is shamelessly fat
cannot get through a book
finds it difficult to comprehend classics
needs loud voices to sit through service
pines after a mere human
cannot appreciate silence
fears death and or dying
I do not discriminate against inability. I discriminate against stupidity.
Stop being stupid. One who is wiser looks upon us all.
The joke will be on you one day.
Ali
10:42 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Sunday, May 01, 2005
1) Don't try and scream into the mike ala linkin park. it just doesnt work. oh. unless u are guest singer then can.
2) Bassist, do not stare into the ceiling and shake ur head from left to right with your eyes titilating on the brink of estacy. i know ur base is very one-two, but really ur actions should blend in with the rest of the song.
3) Do not shake ur back side tooo rhythmically. it is just not right. if u can, include one guy in a suit who's strumming so estatically its criminally orgasmic. they were right - sex sells.
4) do not run from left to right to left of stage. not everyone is interested in ur wireless amps.
5) pls dont keep groin grinding ur fellow guitarists. it is very gay.
6) do not. do not exceed the expected length of a gig. not everyone is desperately anticipating more unfortunately happy songs. and do not self impose an encore. that is the ultimate no-no.
7) do include one very good looking band member, or worst come to worst, at least have one female. they just help balance things out.
8) do not go all emo and do the whole close eyed slowly swaying left right thing. nobody likes a band that's so caught up with urself and ur problems.
9) do not keep serving ur female fans bear and downing more urself. u tend to leave them with little of ur musical talents and more of ur funny horror stories. which are also quite funny and make for better relations la.
10) have a good drummer. everybody loves a man who's good with his hands.
everybody check out Sourgrapes. they are damn good and damn shy. i like.
Ali
1:14 AM
Alice breathes again..
|
