Breath of my Soul.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

when september ends...

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

Ali 12:59 PM
Alice breathes again..

Monday, August 29, 2005

oops i did it again... =)

Ali 1:59 PM
Alice breathes again..

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Wow its been ages since i last wrote. Im trying to switch to multiply in the attempt for more disclosure, but everytime i log on it makes my computer hang.

Well here are some pics i took at the slipknot concert i went for. Sorry the pics are so bad, my camera was not working well. To put it simply, Slipknot was scary and a wierd experience. After coming from Sonicfest and FOP, it was just strange seeing so many young people raising their hands to a bunch of humans.

This is the entrance. Everyone was decked in full black with eye-liner, masks, the works. Well, all except this foreign dude. We were pretty early but the crowd built up super fast - 5000 strong!

Just a taste of the admosphere inside. Think zouk, except the guys dun give a shit about the ladies and aren't gentlemenly at all. And it was at least 10 times as bad as what the pics show!

This guy was in such a frenzy the whole whole time. I was scared of him. He kept jumping and jumping and landed on me one time too many. Plus he was just sweaty and gross.

This guy has a kick-ass tatoo.

My one pathetic shot of the band. I was using some batteries from m'sia that died after 10 minutes and shut my camera down everytime i tried to zoom.

My company and sponsor. Well, kind of.

Ali 9:43 AM
Alice breathes again..

Monday, August 15, 2005

Recently i met somebody from my past.

He was 2 years my senior and I didnt know he existed. We were at zouk and i was struggling to return to my friend's table from the toilet when a voice behind me said: "You're Alicia right?"
I was quite surprised, but replied "That's right, think you could help me out here?"

And he did.

I don't really know what my point will be tonight, but I suddenly remembered this incident and proceeded to dig out my past year books to locate this fellow. And then I saw all the little people. How we once were.

It is funny, we never really feel ourselves growing up, but yet we are. And are we really? I don't get it, i really don't.

I found myself, in a moment of misery, telling a young person this:

"you grew up too fast, i never grew up at all.."

and to a certain extend, it is true.

I still don't ever watch the news or read the papers, I still swear to my best friend that this time, this is the guy im going to marry!!! Some of the best things in life are still late night phone conversations, reading a great book, and packing to go swimming. Macdonald's still seems like such a treat, and there is nothing, nothing like having marshmellows in my hot chocolate.

When i located the guy's skinny photo with centre parted gelled hair, i laughed out loud. Here he was now, adorning a black pressed shirt and filling it out alot more, with short, styled hair and spotting a hint of a goatee. But yet that expression on his face looked identical and i spotted him even before i located his uniquely spelled name.

It was a tired, wasted expression of a cruel life. Somehow i expected that he would look alot happier as a child. But i guess he grew up too soon as well.

And so did i, i guess. I did grow up, except i grew up so quickly that right now, there doesn't seem any more growing up left to do.

Ali 9:35 PM
Alice breathes again..

Thursday, August 11, 2005

today i watched Bewitched with my oldest pal Mr Mong. Contrary to some comments, i actually enjoyed the show! It was quite endearing to see older couples sitting in anticipation for the show to start, and elderly gal pals giggling to one another while the hipper trailers aired. And it was a wonderful feeling to know that I had a taste of these people's past.

On the whole Bewitched was a feel good show, stress free show. Nicole was of cos, a delight to watch and her dresses and shoes were oh so pretty!

A must see for anyone who watches the show is the pseudo Tom Cruise the producers sneakily added in! He was really a riot to see cos' the resemblence to that cheating, wierdo ex husband is just uncanny. I totally loved how they made joke of his height and his gay-ness, and i was cheering Nicole on when as Isabelle, she threatened to grow him a tail if he didn't shut up. *thundering applause*

::Me and Mr Mong. Gosh you are just as black as me okayy!
Photo evidence. So how come i'm hei gui and you are white snake??

And I know you'll feel like killing me after this, but I just couldn't resist. Enjoy!

::Mr Mong trying to do a Samantha Montgomery

:: And now a Bree Van De Kamp

:: And being his usual Bitchy self

And now for the best part. After all is said and done, we are where we both started out from.
The present divides, the future hopes, but the past, it never fails to bond.

From now till then. Gosh i cannot believe the clothes i was wearing. Super funny.

But i guess this is me. This is how i was made to be.

Ali 9:10 PM
Alice breathes again..

Saturday, August 06, 2005

what kind of a person hurts those closest to her.
screams vulgarities at her relatives.
hurls insults at her blood line.
makes her own flesh and blood feel like she was adopted.
reminds them all how much they owe her.
makes them feel guilty for things that they didnt know better to do?

well, i'm not going to become that person. you can force your screwed up values down my throat, slowly try and psycho me into believing that the way you do things is the right way, make me hate people, but i won't become you.

because this is me.

i am a nice person.

i am a child of God.
i do not have to fear man for they cannot lay a finger on me if my Father does not permit it.

i long to please others.
i sincerely care for the well-being of my friends.
i put their needs before mind most of the time.
i will gladly give up sleep to listen to their problems.
i spend time and energy thinking about how to dress up their gift to make them happy.

i still believe in true love.
i will do anything for the one i love including move overseas, have babies, change surname. etc.

i am not heartless and cold.
i cry when someone hurts me.
i feel sad for days and weeks.
i second guess myself and wonder if i am at fault.
i am insecure about how much my friends love me.
i am afraid of rejection.

i am a nice person. and it is time for me to remove that bitchy mask and reveal who i truly am.

Ali 12:27 AM
Alice breathes again..

Thursday, August 04, 2005

do i have a face that reads: tell me your secrets.

lately people i dont really know have been spilling their guts to me. and i'm talking intimate stuff. do they think it will turn me on? ok, at least that is interesting just to hear. what i really hate hearing about is emo shit about how they are so in love or depressed.

i have no energy to stay up late chatting to you on msn while you use me to distract yourselves from the present okayy.

why is everyone pouring out their sorrows to me? if you're my friend i don't mind, in fact i'll be honored that you choose to share stuff with me. but people like these, they won't even be around when i need them. aargh.

Ali 10:25 PM
Alice breathes again..

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

So today i stayed home to watch Oprah. It was a good Oprah. Although most of the stuff said were no-brainers to me, i feel compelled to share it with the rest of the female world (and especially to the males out there)

Here are six words that could save you, ladies, 20 years of therapy:

He's just not that into you

Most of the time, we hear girlfriends whine about this particular guy who

1) says he'll call but never does
2) asks for your no. at the club but never calls, only texts
3) is in a relationship with you but acts like you're just friends in public
4) says he loves you but he just doesnt want anything right now
5) has been dating you for 8 years but refuses to pop the question
6) cheats then begs for forgiveness
or

simply doesn't pursue you.

Stop kidding yourselves anymore. He's just not that into you.

If women would just wake up and refuse such treatment, they would have more time loving themselves and their lives and send out positive vibes to the man who really is into them!

When a man wants something, he goes all out for it. Guys love the thrill of the chase and when a girl lowers her standards, she's doing his job for him. And that's no fun for him. I say all women should raise the bar and cooperate so the men will rise up to the challenge and stop slacking in treating us right.

Too busy, too shy, too broke, too late.

TOO BAD! When you have to start making excuses for your man, it only spells one thing - He's just not that into you. And there is no shame in that! Different people attract different people and you just dont attract him. Relax. It doesnt say a thing about who you are or how attractive you are.

And this is the closing mantra:

i will not date a man who

1) is unsure of what he wants
2) has rejected me before but has come running back
3) does not make me feel desirable
4) leaves me hanging

If you know what you want but you're not getting what you want, move on.

He's just not that into you.

And guys, if you're really that into her, please show it. The lady is not going to drop into your lap. At least no respectable lady will.

Ali 11:30 PM
Alice breathes again..

my mother still isnt speaking to me.

and as usual i have no idea why.

why do my parents do this to me? take turns giving me the silent treatment?

i think the silent treatment is a really stupid parenting tool. it doesnt serve any purpose except to divide and conquer, which is what you do to NATIONS, not CHILDREN excuseeeee me.

so in the span of 3 months, the king and queen of this house have taken turns to give me the silent treatment.

and because i hate it so much, i hate myself whenever i do that. because i know other people will suffer and feel like shit, especially if they care for me. but then when i tell myself not to give the person the silent treatment, and actually talk about what is bothering me, the person will go and feel hurt and unwanted and leave you forever. wtfffffffff?

*****

on a happier note, my room is 80% done, and the 20% i havent figured out what to do yet. So ill leave it as another project.

thank you to Salene, Ning, Jo, Mei, Lorry, Lumpy, and Yao Yu (for helping me tear tape '_' )
and of cos Claire who is helping me complete the 80% today.
i really really really appreciate your commitment and help, even though it is MY room and nothing to YOU, you still bother... so i really think you are all very nice and good friends.

and all those who know about my room but didnt help... DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you all suck. (except all from NTU because school started already so you are excused.)

thank you once more.

Ali 11:27 AM
Alice breathes again..

Monday, August 01, 2005

Oh my... my internet connection is really killing me... i keep going online and offline and online and offline - im really dreading it when school starts and i have to work in my room like that.

Today during swimming, my friend and i were met with 8-yr-old jia hao. He's damn cute and really knows how to laugh. But oh my, he really is going to grow up one day to either

1) become a wife-beater
2) sign on as a commander
3) engage in major s&m activities

He was demanding that we play police and thief with him, and that we arrest him time and time again. And he grabbed us by our wrists, smacked our bottoms, and hurled us up the baby slide and dragged us down. He also yelled at us to lie here or sit there while he gave us head rubs and shoulder massages.

I really question the upbringing of today's children.

*****
Last night i had a pretty good time celebrating one of my few male ac friends' 21st. Saw some school mates and suprisingly once the uniform is not worn and the lecture theatres have disappeared, people are friendlier. I also realised that many times, even though we never ever admit it, we get subconsciously coerced into doing things we do not want to do. Like going for a dinner, or lending a friend money, or agreeing to be somebody's girlfriend, or sleeping with someone, or rebelling against a teacher, or signing up for a pageant, or hating a person.

We are all weak. And I love admiting it only after i've cleared up the mess i landed.

Ali 12:24 AM
Alice breathes again..