Breath of my Soul.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Ok here's what ive been up to the past 2 weeks at Oil Painting class.

1st attempt at still life:

Working with oils really taught me patience. You have to build the painting up like a house, starting with the foundations - the shadings and outlines. Putting care into the foundations really will save your painting from ending up looking like a watercolor piece.

This is what i did last night:

For this lesson we learnt more about blending to create a natural look. Unlike normal paintings, painting with oils sometimes involve painting in terms of lighting. You start with the darks all over the whole piece, then fill in the lights. So it really takes awhile before you even see the final objects youre painting.

Next week we will do impressions ala Monet!

My favourite artist in the world is Monet. I fell in love with him when i was in P6 and i went for an exhibition in SAM Singapore. I bought his biography and read all about this tragic life. Then couple of years back i nearly died when i saw more of his bigger works in Mus D'Orsay in Paris. As i gazed at the paintings, it was like being reunited with a lost lover.

Impressionistic is a movement where one creates a form simply by making marks with the brushes on the canvas.

Here's a monet:

sigh... how do i match up?

Ali 4:56 PM
Alice breathes again..

Monday, October 24, 2005

Since i am stuck in this borrrrrring class with pathetically snoozzzze-worthy presentations. I shall do what i've loved doing since i was (am) a little girl.

LISTS!

1. please eat good breakfast
2. please go gym mon wed fri
3. please go back to traditional routine of food before 6pm
4. please fix mirror so no false perceptions of slimness

I have been thinking recently of boys and what i like about them so i have decided to compile a list of atributes of all the boys ive ever liked in my life (all dating out of compulsion or convenience not included. Some long term relationships also not counted i think). And, for my self-kick, i shall list according to importance.

1. look like drug addict

2. nice clean finger and toe nails

3. face look like gena abused

4. doesn't talk. period.

5. doesn't know how to smile

6. not very well-groomed

7. very hygenic

8. corny

9. has a gang of males

10. is some ring leader

*****

My current cravings

> more 7-eleven mash potatoes
> timeout mint flavor
> garlic prawn pasta (shaun plsssss.....?)
> hotdog from orange julius
> fish dippers from What-a-Fish

UGHHHHHH!!! it's been too long.

*****

i've discovered what i've been missing in my life:

my Gay-ass Male Friend!!!

Gosh. i didn't realise that this was such an essential person in a girl's life. Yup, so interested parties, please apply.

*****

Photos!

oh my this class is not ending...

another one?

ok another one.

ok enough! Class is over bye!

Ali 5:12 PM
Alice breathes again..

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Hello to all my friends... I have decided to come clean. I have a new boyfriend and i want the world to meet him!
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gotcha! ahahaha... breathe breathe... don't worry, don't have to organise rebuking sessions for me over drinks again. (ok la... wtf was i thinking???) But really isn't the resemblence amusingly uncanny?

Here are some more pics of the men in my life last week:

and the girls....

from the sec four class gathering i was invited to by my former students. Sigh... i kinda miss being called "cherr cherrr".

And i would like to share with everyone my most brilliant scrabble invention to date:

six out of the seven letters on my wooden shelf thingy.

Ali 6:00 PM
Alice breathes again..

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

i think... that the time has come for me to become remotely busy with school.

i think... that the time has come for me to start sleeping before 3am.

i think... that the time has come for me to come out of isolation and be friendly.

i think... that the time has come for me to start starving my belly off.

i think... that the time has come for me to stop being a grumps at home.

i think... that the time has come for me to start looking fear in the face.

*****

On hindsight, i do imagine that i have overcome the initial problem of "thinking too much". To all the people who have pointed out this horrendously misleading problem - thanks ar... Now i am not thinking at all and have morphed into a passionless doorpost, simply letting things happen and nodding in observation. But i am happier. I have become... gulp... ordinary.

snap and twist*

and get this i just woke up today.

Ali 4:04 PM
Alice breathes again..

Monday, October 17, 2005

ok i have a tagboard now.

Ali 11:52 AM
Alice breathes again..

Today while jogging i witnessed a beautiful scene.

A lady was attempting to rollerblade and very clumpsily at that. But as she gingerly slid the heavy wheeled boots one and a time, trembling with every step, an encouraging voice behind urged her on.

Her husband was about 10 feet away from her but his gaze never wavered. His watchful presence was with her every second and his words were only kind and helpful. And then i thought about it - if the woman were to fall, her husband would not be able to prevent it because he was just too far away from her.

And then i thought about our Father, and how sometimes and more often than not, He allows us the distance to fall if we need to. And most of the time we need to fall. And how His aim for us is really not to protect us from failure or injury, but rather to make sure that we are within His sight, so that He will always be there to pick us up. God remains a few steps behind us, softly encouraging us in His still voice, steadying us as we tremble on this path called life - uncomfortable in our own shoes. He knows better than us how to navigate and is far more familiar with the workings of this world, which He, after all, created. But He does not want to live our lives for us. He only promises - i will never leave you nor forsake you; i will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear...

Jesus never promised painless living
Look at all that He went through
Reason to go on is what He's giving
Leave it up to Him.

What a wonderful male friend i have =)

Ali 11:26 AM
Alice breathes again..

Saturday, October 15, 2005

omg.

I am not your little treat.
I am not your commodity.
I am not your replacement.
I am not your party escort.
I am not your good company.
I am not your statue.
I am not your entertainment.
I am not your female sidekick.
I am not your party ticket seller.
I am not your network.
I am not your problem solver.
I am not your secret affair.
I am not your forever there ex.
I am not your future wife.
I am not your liver donar.
I am not your self-esteem.

I am very upset. No more guy friends for me. All of you suck so badly i hate you.

Ali 3:00 PM
Alice breathes again..

Friday, October 14, 2005

everything changes.

in my sleepy state this morning, i received a call from my sec2 boy-student whos now a sec4 man-graduate. He asked me to join their class for steamboat next week, and he was so sincere "can you come can you come??". And i was so happy. And then after all the how are yous and see you next week, i felt it - true satisfaction. It was a beaming of my heart that came not from snagging the most challenging catch nor topping the class in history, nor jumping the highest in high jump, nor finishing a dance routine flawlessly and breathless. It was the satisfaction of knowing all the months of feeling for someone and truly caring for the one under your charge has been remembered and appreciated.

I once told somebody that the only way to be truly happy is to do something for someone else. In her misery of betrayal, i once told another lady when she wailed to me "how can i feel better???", go and do something nice for someone else.

The world can throw sticks and stone that will break my bones. But as long as i keep being that someone, someone knows will always be there for them, i think i can survive. I never knew this part of me existed. And in some ways it is an answered prayer. Before i left for china i prayed to God that he would show me what compassion for his people was. I used to really wonder how some people can be so damn nice and suddenly i find myself being such a person to those weaker than myself. Is this a calling in the making? Or is it just some innate factor that prepares a woman for the life ahead, where she will be sucked dry by unreasonable husbands and demanding children?

This morning i did something that i have been keeping on hold for a week now because i wanted to use it when i really needed it. I read the letters given by my china children. They were simple words and one letter, i couldnt even make out the person name without checking it against my own notes from the mission. But as i read it, i thought of how the very paper they used were given by us, and how they looked when they were in concentrationa and focusing on putting their best on that paper because it was so precious and scarce, and my heart warmed.

Forget all the preconceived notions u had of me. This is me today.

Ali 2:04 PM
Alice breathes again..

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Today i took a step closer into my art baby.

I went for my very first oil painting class! It was fantastic... at last i had someone to indulge my senses in the world of colors and turpentine and brushes and canvas.. and make sense of it all! My instructor was this funky chindian like me and he is a real artist!! Gosh it was so wonderful seeing his pieces and some other works he did specially for people (ahem.. commissioned pieces.)

We did the color chart today and i learnt how to mix colors. It was kinda like a make up class about contrasting and complimentary colors.. ahah.. and then we did some study on objects and light falling on them. I was so nervous and fumbly and i kept asking him if it was alright. he was just looking quite bored and assuring me that it was all fine.. besides what i was stressed about was really extremely basic stuff!

Look im so proud of my work! I can really see my self doing this forever =)

sometimes i wish i could just live in a world that i can create... with colors and strokes and life-like prints. Where i can smooth over the messy bits by infusing some oil and trimming it down, or add some highlights to parts looking so dull.

today's painting did me some good. it was nice to focus my mind on just one thing and pretend that that is all my world consists of.

Ali 11:27 PM
Alice breathes again..

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Yay! Someone is turning 22 before me!! To celebrate, little missAP decided to organise a surprise party for clark and the girlies =) but clark being missNOsurprises forced me to tell her everything. So i did lor... pout.

Our tete-tete (or something like that, i donno how to spell) on my roof!

A kiss for the bday girl.

photowhores united

doesnt this pic look like some cruise photo?

The girlies looking pretty by candlelight.

Clark getting horny on me ;) ooh baby yeah!

Actually i have alot of things to say. But this space is better filled with pictures of happy females.

Ali 12:45 AM
Alice breathes again..

Monday, October 10, 2005

just a quick update

1) Riyang, thanks for calling. it meant the world to me. I drafted a brilliant blog entry to cheer you up but the net connection for my lappy is screwed up so this will have to suffice. Furthermore i had five miserable hours of sleep and i have to leave the house in ten minutes.

TAKE GOOD CARE!!!

2) Go and watch the 40-year-old virgin. It is a beautiful show. really. Oh but if you watch it, don't wear anything low cut or hi cut cos you'll feel violated just sitting safe in your seat and watching it. It really is quite porno. And yes...

THEY END UP SLEEPING TOGETHER!!!

3) Term break schedule

- watched my darling june get it on stage. i could screw you too dearie.
- shopping, lunch and massage later!!!
- a surprise surprise thingy thingy =)
- complete (or rather, start) all five pending projects.
- die of lack of direction

I would post a pic up at this point, but there are none in this computer. So let me say this:

i love love love love my girlies. it's been five years now and we are still together. Lets all turn lesbian and jump naked into the hot tub together.

and yes.

Ali 11:44 AM
Alice breathes again..

Monday, October 03, 2005

i realise that the mind can be one's worst enemy. it can really drive a person crazy.
hmm crap i thought i was done having such pathetic thoughts but noooooooooo... they just had to come creeping back as i allowed myself to linger in the shower thinking about this super sad show i just watched on hallmark called Back When We Were Grownups. And those of you who know me will know it is a weeper about forgotten years and childhood sweethearts. sigh.

Then this amazing song started playing on class 95, my latest romance. And then i realise that i talk so much about having freedom in Christ - freedom from rituals and traditions, freedom to eat anything, freedom from sin and death and bondage etc etc. Why shouldnt i have freedom from my psycho mind too?

Perhaps this is one more aspect i need to let go of. Stop moping over the past. Enjoy the present.

And i am happy =)

Ali 11:33 PM
Alice breathes again..

Sunday, October 02, 2005

sucks...

Ali 5:49 PM
Alice breathes again..