Wednesday, November 30, 2005
How do I live without you...
.
.
.
.
.
if guys ever meant what they say,
i can think up about 9 boys who should have been dead by now.
*the above was inspired from a friend - who incidently, supposedly killed one horrid male.
Ali
7:24 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Monday, November 28, 2005
suddenly i find myself there again.
fuck. will i ever not learn.
yesterday's sermon spoke to me..
"We cry out to this world to love us, and we look for love everywhere. But they will never truly love us."
How true. Even when we believe we can do it, we find ourselves falling short.
Perhaps this is His way of showing me that no one can love me like He does.
The year is coming to an end. I always get this way.
The only problem this year, is that i have suddenly forgotten how to cry.
All i know, is that all too familiar chest-tightening-experience - perhaps my mind's bid to preparing me for sad goodbyes.
I want to bawl on somebody's sholders again. Unfortunately, there is no one i trust right now.
Will you still love me in December?
Ali
3:01 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
I just spent the entire afternoon watching the OC so my perceptions are pretty warped now.
I want to get drunk 24/7
I want to be rich
I want to be adored
But mostly, I want a marriage like Kristen and Sandy's.
I think they really rock. And what makes them rock?
Security. Trust. Respect.
Trust. Oodles and oodles of it.
Is trust earned? Should it be? Most people sure think so. But stay with me here.
If it needs to be earned, it makes like one party owes the other something. Like if you want to be with me you better earn my trust.
That doesn't sound quite right does it? Quite the contrary, i think trust is like a gift that you give to the person you choose to make yourself vulnerable to. And hope that it won't be taken and thrown back into your face.
It is a risk. Now somebody tell me which part of life isnt a gamble. Perhaps that is the selling point of the hit series Las Vegas. Perhaps that is the allure of gambling. And whether we do it with money or not, or over 888 websites or Aussie casinos, we all love the gamble.
For me? I find myself asking less questions, reminding myself that it is a gamble i chose to dabble in and nobody owes me an explanation or a reason.
Suddenly i see myself as a big girl, not that innocent teen waiting to be taken advantage of by preying males. And i love the independence. Well, sorta.
I think trust is essential in any relationship. If not for sustaining it, then for personal sanity.
But, trust must be coupled with self-love. So you don't find yourself crying in bed while they hit the clubs and conveniently forget to call like they said they would.
Trust is a gift you give away, and love is a gift you give yourself first. And when you have enough of it to share, then give it. But trust first.
Ali
9:36 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Monday, November 21, 2005
as i type this, i am envisioning tuesday night.
it will be a wonderful night.
i will be stress free (almost)
i will finally be able to start thinking about matters that are more pertinent to my existence on this earth.
*****
On a separate note. After all that Dawn Yeo / Yang saga. Let me sneak in my 2 cents worth. Nope i won't comment on what i think of the whole thing, nope there won't be a detailed photo-analysis (by the way some bloggers are really kick ass in terms of time willing to spend on detailed photo by photo comparison of before and after plastic DY )
Having completed a course in Business Ethics in my 2nd year, I stand corrected at my initial and very stubborn view that everybody should be given the right to market themselves or their companies in anyway regardless of the ethicity of their means. The one learning point that the professor sought to drive home was that ethicity must be addressed where the business would be exposed to vulnerable minds. And depending on the issue at hand and the situation, vulnerable minds can include children, poor people, people with little or no education.
Parents are responsible!!! I bleated in the past.
Teach your young to discern!!! I croaked.
No, i have not become a parent overnight and hence now understand the perils of parenthood and the horrors involved in bringing up children.
What happened might be worse.
Now i shall burst my cool exterior by revealing the appalling truth of the matter.
I admit. I found myself being a vulnerable mind.
I looked at the pretty face and thought to myself - wahh it is so easy to get that dream face and wonderful body. Maybe i can secretly alter my face over one-week study breaks and come back and get spotted by talent agencies and have the world worship me for my beauty.
And worst of all, i had an offer for sponsorship of Breast Augmentation.
Check this out!
and this!
And now I will reveal mine!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
* at this juncture i would put in a photo shopped of my inflated boobies. But i dont know how to do it. So no picture.
And no big boobies because despite falling under the children category of the vulnerable minds. Thankfully I had non-vulnerable consultants to talk me out of it. True, it was very enticing to have someone pay for my boob job, considering that more often than not, money is the main issue when it comes to going plastic.
But really, after reading some of the blog entries and seeing many of the photo comparisons, I felt strangly au natural.
And suddenly extremely HAWT.
But no big boobies.
drats.
Ali
10:23 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
i've been having wierd dreams of late
they involve male accquaintences either being very nice to me, or plotting to murder me with tranqualizers.
i've been thinking. we are all coming of age. it is very strange, but i reckon i'm having the best time of my life.
and single male friends are simply gifts from heaven.
the attached ones are just anal.
females are wonderful either way.
Ali
12:18 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Monday, November 14, 2005
"Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."
the wolves are getting fiercer and closer
i can feel them licking their teeth
when you dance with the devil, the devil dances right back with you...
Ali
4:13 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Friday, November 11, 2005
Hey Ladies
Those of you who are interested in getting a free Brazilian Wax, call STRIP Shaw Centre at 67370201 and quote "model for Brazilian wax, recommended by Alicia".
The only thing is that there will be at least 3 ladies staring at your forestry and you will be stripped by a trainee.
But really it comes out fine and as good as those performed by the pros and there will be a supervisor looking on and making sure everything is going smoothly.
Oh and if ure lucky, you can get a free eyebrow shaping and upper lip wax too!
Call within the next 2-3 weeks cos that's when the training is done.
Ali
2:41 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Monday, November 07, 2005
so im sitting in class now in my cheongsam top recuperating from a perfectionistic advertising presentation. And i don't care what the prof or claire says, i think we screwed it up! ugh.
Today i will tackle a couple of topics that i've come accross it in my life this week.
1) Work has started for me again. My boss has put me back into the schedule for the villa launches in Singapore and HongKong (yippeeee!!!) and i am feeling the coporate itch once more.
I have a love-hate relationship with the high-life. On one hand i look at myself and i simply don't see me slipping into a regular mold of women. And on the other hand i just want to be weak and bimbotic and let the men take the reigns. Gosh. I do believe that this is the very dilemma that has been discussed to death - the career woman vs housewife problem.
A quick poll of my girlfriends tell me that we all suffer from this problem. Well, today i think that the problem doesn't lie with us. It lies with Singaporean men. They are insecure miseries.
If a man can't be confident, i think he should just go and get a scissors and snip off his... ok let's not get graphic. But seriously, the guys here are all mice! And those who don't really resemble the damn rodents insist on taking on the role of a rabid dog. They see being confident as being sheer assholes. They try to be manly and insist on their way, and threaten and beat and destroy.
That is not confidence. Confidence is letting the person go and do what she wants with no fear that it will cause any cracks in the relationship. It is being man enough to assure her that in his eyes she is still female and beautiful and feminine and wonderful, and not being like the rest of the world who sees her as cut-throat she-bitch.
2) I've learnt that everything hinges on the delivery.
I think that even in our conversations, God should take full authority. And when that happens, it is not our stupidity or nassicism or insecurities that speak to the person, but rather, our identity in the King that speaks. With full assurance that we are loved by the maker no matter what. And that is also confidence.
I think women need to learn this. Alot of time we speak irrationally, trying to express our emotions but inevitably inflict hurt on the poor men who have no idea what hit them. That is not fair to them and will end up slapping us back in the face cos the guys will just label us as being psychotic and retarded.
As part of his "fine, leave me if that's what you want" speech, a particularly insecure male retorted that a man needs respect. For a while there i wondered if it was my place to give him respect. Screw that notion. No body owes anybody respect if the respect was never earned to begin with. Speaking with common sense, respecting somebody is easy when the person is respectful. I would love to look at you adoringly if you had an adorable face. (ok bad example)
So to sum it up, i say Confidence is the way to go. Be self assured and love yourself. For me, this is so much easier because i have a Heavenly Father who simply adores me =)
3) I feel so accomplished these days. Like a complete female.
Ali
5:59 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
Friday, November 04, 2005
roar. i am very agitated.
I want to be a boy.
Boys can be irritating and boh chup and walk away.
I want to bite somebody
.
.
.
.
.
really hard.
And clobber somebody over the head
.
.
.
.
.
with an uprooted tree
.
.
.
.
.
that i uprooted myself.
ROAR. SNAP. GROWL. STAMP. YAP YAP YAP.
MERCILESS DRAGON FIREBALL
AH DO GAN.
pui.
Ali
4:46 PM
Alice breathes again..
|
For the Birthday Boy who's secretly reading my blog.
Ali
12:01 AM
Alice breathes again..
|
